I started this post in July, 2009, and didn’t get any further than the title. Wonder what I was going to say then. Almost a year on, I’m sure the content will be different, but Solvitur Ambulando still seems as good a place as any to start.
At its most literal, my 6-month circulation issues are being solved by walking. It’s a direct correlation — take a (long, brisk) walk before bed, and I won’t be lying awake at 1 in the morning with restless legs that don’t exactly HURT, but which compel me to move. Don’t take that walk, or (as happened last night due to impending world-endage) cut it short, and in the wee hours, I’ll be doing silent bellydance shimmies at the foot of the bed while my pookie snoozes peacefully.
In less on-the-nose interpretations, this birth journey seems to only be solvable by walking. So much of what’s to come seems subject to forces beyond my control, yet all the literature says, “make a plan!”. I’ve been struggling to reconcile this, because what’s the point of specifying How I Want Things when something as simple as which way Fizzy’s head is pointing can throw the whole thing out the window? In other arenas, I’ve always been perfectly comfortable with the idea that a plan is essentially a wishlist, and things will inevitably change. For some reason, that is very uncomforting now. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get much sleep last night and have been broody all day, but it really seems at times like the only things standing between this birth and complete disaster are prayer, chance, and luck, and the only way to know what will happen next is to walk the path with faith and positive thoughts.
My volunteer supervisor said to me yesterday that when she was in some public place, she’d noticed almost every woman there was expecting. “It’s going to be a big class!” It made me think of the WWII baby boom, and it got me thinking.
In the midst of war, recession, environmental disasters both current and looming, and rising cost of everything from diapers to college tuition, we are still choosing to reproduce. It’s an essentially hopeful act, the conscious propagation of the species. In these days, it almost seems like an act of faith — economic security be damned, unemployment average do what it will, terrorists target whatever, we WILL have a child because the world is bound to get better. I think if we actually thought the world was going to be a barren hellscape in our lifetimes, if we were the last remnants of a species bent on destruction of all things good who would very soon scrabble for mere survival on a ruined planet, baking in the heat of an ozone-less sky, it wouldn’t occur to us to bring children into the world.
Solvitur ambulando seems to apply to our environmental and healthcare footprint (why yes, walking WOULD solve some problems, wouldn’t it) as well as to the greater mission of saving the world for our descendants. If we can walk in their shoes, maybe it will give us greater impetus to leave them grass to walk on.
This post itself seems to be less walking than wandering in circles. I can only hope that, like the labyrinth, I’ll eventually reach the center. For only in combination can one truly find solution.